That's a question you could take in many directions. But in this case we mean a tip for a position in which to make love. It may seem the dullest of them all, yet the missionary position is anything but.
UTTER NONSENSE
Did you know that the missionary position has nothing to do with missionaries? That misconception led people to believe it was the most pious of all sexual positions. Utter nonsense. The missionary position was first named in the famous Kinsey Reports of 1948 and 1953 by biologist and sexologist Alfred Kinsey, two books that stood at the cradle of the sexual revolution.
MIXING UP HIS SOURCES
Kinsey may have been a pioneer, but careful he was not. In his description of a position in which the woman lies on her back and the man on top of her, while they look at one another, he mixed up several sources. Through an inaccurate summary of a few passages from a book by a Polish anthropologist – in which natives, copying the hand-in-hand walking of married missionaries, called it 'the way the missionaries do it' – Kinsey turned it into a sexual position.
Make love, not war
The idea that the missionary position is reserved for humans alone – because the rest of the animal kingdom supposedly only does it from behind – is also a myth. Bonobos, perhaps the most sexually aroused animals ever, are known not to find the animal way exciting at all. Bonobos like to look at each other and caress with their mouths when they make love. Incidentally, they always resort to sex as a remedy whenever there are social tensions within a group. Make love, not war!
The beast with two backs
And that brings me straight to why I want to make a case here for that good old missionary position – called 'the beast with two backs' in Shakespeare's Othello, because it seems as though you merge with your partner. The position has a reputation for being boring. If you have no imagination in bed, you just go straight up and down. I disagree entirely.
Getting seasick on the love boat
Of course it's wonderful to go through the entire Kamasutra together, front to back and back to front, but when I think of my own situation, I keep coming back to the missionary position. And that has everything to do with the woman lying beneath me. When you're as smitten as I am – and with a woman whose body is made for love, no less – you're hardly going to settle for doing it from behind, are you? You want to get seasick together on the love boat; you want to look each other in the eye as you make love.
NOTHING TO SEE
Honestly, I also think the porn industry has played a significant part in demonising the 'boring' missionary position. In a sex film you barely see couples in the missionary position. Do you know why? Because so little of the woman and the man is visible when they lie on top of one another.
MOST ACCIDENTS
Did you know – and then I'll stop – that 'straight up and down' is also the best position for your health? It can make back complaints vanish like snow in the sun, in contrast to the position where the woman sits on top of the man. That one is said to cause the most accidents, of which the fractured penis is perhaps the most painful of all (ouch!).
And should you still think you're a bore in bed when you give yourself over to 'the beast with two backs', you can find 15 tips here on how to enliven and, above all, deepen the missionary position. Do take a look – it's both instructive and fun. In English, mind you.
ONE MORE PIECE OF ADVICE
May I offer one more piece of advice? It's purely for the gentleman. And it is this: there is a jewel lying beneath you, one to be handled with care. Use your elbows and knees for support, so that you don't bear down heavily on her.