If you truly want to enjoy your time with a woman, even when the togetherness and intimacy are relatively brief, you will have to court her.
Courtship. In this day and age, many no longer even know what this concept from long-bygone times means. On Google I came across a fine definition by a biologist. He wrote: 'Courtship is nothing other than the whole of the behaviours displayed by sexual partners to prepare one another for procreation.'
I once went to bed with a woman after a first meeting, and adding up the moments before, during and after, I came to the conclusion that I felt extraordinarily good with her and wanted to see her again. I never heard from her again. Not even after I had left several voicemails. When I spoke about this with a friend, he said: 'It is only logical that woman wants nothing more to do with you.'
"Logical?" I said. "Do you hear what you are saying? We had a wonderful evening, a wonderful night and a wonderful morning. What is logical about being dumped?"
He said: "You made no effort for her." And do not forget: high class escorts too, or rather, especially high class escorts, thrive on courtship. The concept dates back to the Middle Ages, that long era of kings and queens, of knights who protected the court. In those days, courtship was a lengthy process in which, to win a woman's heart, you first had to steal the hearts of her parents and the rest of the castle.
Fortunately, in this day and age we need not overcome so many obstacles. On the contrary. Courtship is like sport. It takes effort. But once you are reasonably good at it, you find great pleasure in it. And yet there is a genuine parallel between then and now. A woman wants you to show that you truly desire her. Even when it is certain you will end up in bed with her.
Becoming friends
The mistake many men then make is wanting to become friends with women. Becoming friends with women is very important, but only when wonderful sex is part of the equation. If you have never made love with her, it is very dangerous to become friends with her. Of course it is lovely to laugh together. With a woman you can make laugh, you score a great many points. And of course it is wonderful when a man and a woman feel good with one another. But beyond that, romance is supremely important. When you are with a high class escort, you get far more out of your time with her if you show that romance ranks high in your book.
What is a romantic situation? A romantic situation lifts a woman out of her daily life and places her in a special world where time does not exist. If you wish to create romantic situations, you need imagination. That friend of mine who so aptly explained why the woman who, on the first evening, let herself sit astride me, vanished off the face of the earth after breakfast, has imagination enough for three. And on top of that he is so romantic that he keeps Gone With The Wind on his phone and iPad as standard.
Recently his bath was broken. 'So we could no longer enjoy a lovely bath together. I still had a few of those Kneipp tablets lying around for a footbath. I told her she was not allowed in the kitchen for a moment. Then I cleaned the worktop and the sink with bleach. After that I placed candles all around the kitchen, I put on classical piano music. And then I folded two towels into little cushions and, sitting naked on the worktop together, we had a footbath.'
No back-up plan
It was a lovely story, one that made me laugh uncontrollably. 'I know there are men who think I am out of my mind,' he said. 'But I enjoy doing that. I want film scenes in my life. And if they do not present themselves, then I invent them myself.'
You can see romance as a celebration of your togetherness, a celebration of being with her, enjoying her and having a good time along the way, without anything to distract you. Just make sure that, with any romantic inspiration, you always have a back-up plan. I was once in the South of France and met a woman who, believe me, was worth courting. I reserved a table on the terrace of the finest restaurant on the southern coast. Champagne in the cooler, a rose in a vase. A quarter of an hour before our meeting, it began to pour with rain. I had no back-up plan. Fortunately, I did not need one either, because she failed to show up without so much as a word.
Communication is everything. If people communicated more in this world, it would not be any quieter, but it would be more peaceful. I once made the mistake of thinking you need only gaze into one another's eyes for a very long time. I quickly came back from that notion when a small, hyper-nervous little dog stood at the foot of the bed growling at my backside, while I had not even known beforehand that the lady in question had a small, hyper-nervous little dog. And had I known, I would, in all honesty, have said that I do not care for small, hyper-nervous little dogs, in which case the problem would have been hers, a problem that, if she so wished, could have been solved by arranging a sitter for the small, hyper-nervous little dog.
Five standard rules
Here follow a number of standard rules for courtship in the early stages. They are not mine. They come from a 2009 book (I should mention), aptly titled How to Succeed With Women.
Touch her at least five times. Squeeze her arm very gently, or touch her hand as you ask what she would like to drink. She then grows accustomed in advance to your touch, which will become more intimate later on.
Hold her gaze 'too long'. It shows that you are not afraid and that you have eyes only for her and for no one else.
Make quick decisions. Do not hesitate when ordering, take action if the waiter keeps you waiting too long. A certain decisiveness is attractive.
Give her a number of compliments. But the right compliments. Saying that 'her breasts look wonderful in her blouse and that you can barely keep your hands off them' is absolutely a compliment, but it is also the end of the magic.
Ask a romantic question. Ask, for instance: "What is the most romantic thing you have ever experienced?" You show that romance ranks high on your agenda, and at the same time you discover what she understands by romantic.
A piece of cake
There are many more examples in the book, but I have tried out those mentioned above over time, and I must say: with great success. In all honesty, I must also admit that I was trying them out before the book ever hit the market. Just as with taking her coat, holding a door for her and pulling out and pushing in a chair for her, I do not overthink what I do. When people call me a smooth operator, I tell them I am from a vintage in which courtship was still part of one's existence. A time when it was about romance, imagination & patience. That may sound less exciting than sex, drugs & rock 'n' roll, but that is merely an illusion. When you are together and you catch that look in her eye that tells you she, deep down, wants you terribly, that is a moment when you feel, just for an instant, that there is no gravity.
Admittedly, it is all rather labour-intensive, but believe me: it pays off. Perhaps I can illustrate it nicely with the following example:
Suppose you buy a house and the smooth concrete walls need only a lick of paint. You buy the paint and you set to work. It goes smoothly, and afterwards you look at the result, which is fine, and you think: "A piece of cake." But now you move into a house whose walls have to be scraped and filled, walls that then have to be primed thoroughly a few more times before you can apply the colour you want. When you finally look at your paintwork, you think: "How wonderful that I managed to pull it off."
I really must read this comparison back to myself again, but my feeling tells me it captures precisely why it is such a pleasure to be a suitor.