May we offer you a position?

That is a question that you can interpret in many ways. But in this case we mean a tip for a position to make love. And it seems to be the most boring of them all, but the missionary position is anything but that.

Absolute nonsense

Did you know that the missionary position has nothing to do with missionaries? This misunderstanding led to the belief that the missionary was the most devout of all sex positions. Absolute nonsense. The missionary position was first mentioned in the famous Kinsey Reports of 1948 and 1953 by biologist and sexologist Alfred Kinsey, two books that stood at the cradle of the sexual revolution.

Mixing up the brands

Kinsey might have been a pioneer, but he wasn't very careful. In describing a position where the woman is lying on her back and the man is on top of her while they look at each other, he confused a number of brands. Through an incorrect summary of some passages from a book by a Polish anthropologist, in which natives took over the hand-in-hand approach of married missionaries and called this 'as the missionaries do' Kinsey turned it into a sex position.

Make love, not war

That the missionary position is only intended for humans, because the rest of the animal kingdom would only do it from behind, is also a fable. The bonobo monkeys, perhaps the sexually most excited animals ever, are known to find the animal way not at all exciting. Bonobos want to look at each other and caress one another with their mouths when they make love. By the way, they always opt for sex as a means of tapping as soon as there are social tensions within a group. Make love, not war!

The beast with two backs

And then I immediately come up with why I want to take a stand for that good, old missionary position, called 'the beast with two backs' in Othello by Shakespeare because it looks like you're fusing with your sexual partner. The position would be considered boring. As in: if you have no imagination in bed, just go straight up and down. I completely disagree.

Getting seasick on the Love Boat

Of course it is great to go through the entire Kamasutra from the front to the back and from the back to the front, but when I think of my own situation, I keep coming back to the missionary position. And that has everything to do with the woman underneath me. If you are in the clouds as I am, especially with a woman who has a body that is made for love, then you want to get seasick together on the love boat. Then you want to look each other in the eye when you make love.

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Nothing to see here

Frankly, I also think that the porn industry played an important role in demonising the 'boring' position. In a sex film you see couples barely in the missionary position. Do you know why? Because you see so little of the woman and the man when they are on top of each other.

The most accidents

Did you know - and then I promise to let it rest - that "The-Up-And-Down" happens to be the one with the greatest health benefits? For example, it's said to make back pain disappear like snow in the sun. The popular "Cowgirl" position on the other hand, is statistically responsible for the most accidents, which the penis rupture being the most painful of all (ouch!).

And if you still concerned about being a boring bed partner if you "settle" for The Beast With Two Backs', here's 15 tipsto enliven and above all deepen your missionary position. Do take a look, it's both educational and fun.

Final recommendation

If you're a gentleman, we have one last piece of advice for you. Namely, that you have delicate flower lying beneath you which must always be handled with great care; Don't take the whole "merging into one" too literally. Use your elbows and knees to support yourself in order to protect her from any excessive bodyweight while you're on top of her. You don't want to spoil the fun by forcing her to brace herself...

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